Answer me this question : What is the real I ? It’s what you are, not what others make of you. ( Coelho )
I am proud of me only when I don’t give up on my believes, when no matter how hard it may seem I manage to hold it together and stand my ground. One step back gives room for a lot more steps in the completely wrong direction. I am proud of myself if at the end of the day I have no remorse, if I don’t get all emotional and wish I’d taken another decision. I can hold my head up high if you can do the same when walking down the street by my side. I choose not to back down, to believe in my decisions ( even if they are wrong, because one bad decision values more than a life of good decision made by somebody else ), I choose to listen to you even if you’re behavior makes me mad, I choose to see the meaning of your words and not the way you say them. I choose to listen to my heart first of all, and than question her decisions. Because the heart isn’t always reliable, just because it’s your heart we’re talking about. I choose to accept that I am selfish. I want what’s best for me ! I can’t change that because it’s more than a feature of my personality, it’s more than genes, it’s survival. And you showed me that the survival instinct is part of our being and we sometimes can’t control it. And something else we can’t control is the person next to us. I may love you, I may want to help you, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for you. It doesn’t mean you want my help or need it. Sometimes it’s better to succeed on your own, and win confidence. I can’t buy you confidence, but I can help you gain success. And I want to because your well-being means my well-being. Because your troubles are mine, and mine are.. just mine. Because I play dumb and act foolish, but when it comes to what I want I don’t back down easily. And my mind is set on you, baby ! 😉
I may be selfish, childish and with my head lost in the clouds, but I know how to get down from there ( when I have too ). It’s just that my world is different from yours and you have to understand that your perspective isn’t the only one. You may have a point, but look at things from my side of the window. I have other principles, objectives and methods of getting where and what I want. I want to bite my tongue and jump with you from a plain ( with a parachute ). Skydive. See other countries, take chances, go wild, live now because we all die soon. I don’t want to miss a thing !
You, on the other hand, want to chill out, take it easy because you had it ruff so far. You are a quite type of person, while I want to shout out loud. You want to slow dance and I want to give in to the beat. You listen to the music, I listen to the words. You build with your hands, I read. You think, I act. You have doubts, I fall in love. You are a tough person to please and a challenge. If I can win you over and make you love me for the real I that I am, than I’ll be winning too. I want to be the winner that takes it all, and want you to feel like a winner also for having me 🙂
I choose not to cry myself to sleep, what a foolish thing to do ! I choose to move on, leave all my mistakes behind. I’m packing my bags now and I’m taking only the knowledge I’ve gathered so far and my dreams. Hope never dies and I can only get stronger with every heartbeat !